Keeping my mouth shut...

I feel a little emotional.  Some of those emotions are warranted, earned, and deserved, while other emotions I felt today seem to come from impatience and unforgiveness.

As a mother and wife I need to have the discernment of what are appropriate and acceptable emotions and ones that are harmful to relationships.

I spent some time alone in prayer in my bedroom; taking all that was in my heart before the Lord for Him to help me process them.

It is so important to take that time with the Lord before we lash out at those we love most. 

I spent the evening with my husband and children; laughing, crying, and snuggling.

A good night.

A little secret, just for women....no men.

Alright, no men.

This is private female talk.

I got my menstrual cycle yesterday.  I ran out of big pads, so I grabbed a baby diaper and used it at night, when flow is more.

It works great!  Now, I need to run to the store and get more woman pads, but at least I have something in case of an emergency!

Choice to lay down my life for my family.

It is a moment by moment choice to lay down my life for my family.

I am called by God to be a wife and mother and so I take that calling seriously.  The love that I have inside for my children is such a deep love, one that can only come from the heart of God. 

I knew it was real love when I even loved their cry, I even loved their poopy diapers.

In our travels I miss out on a lot of activities that once I would have enjoyed.  I don't always get to kayak across the lake or down the river.  I don't always get to four wheel for hours to a hidden meadow and spend time alone with my dear husband.

But, instead I get to climb the smaller boulders with my wee ones.  I get the privilege to watch them when they splash in the water or hike down the shorter trail.

Reality is that I don't miss out on a thing, in fact, I have such a wonderful time when all my children and husband can do activities together. 

We don't miss out on anything.

I still get to spend wonderful time with my hubby, maybe not on a weekend getaway, but in the morning when we sit outside the camper, reading our bibles together, sipping coffee as we sit at the base of a mountain or by a glimmering lake.

Put the kids to bed on time and dear Shae and I get to snuggle in bed, too exhausted to go anywhere, and watch a movie or read a book together. 

No, I don't miss out on anything by giving up my rights or my "old" desires....I have gained a much better life, just like Jesus promised I would.



Sometimes on the trails, we are behind everyone else, but then we get to see the little things that the faster hikers miss.




While Dad and Cody filled up the vehicles with gas, the younger ones and I checked out the huge tractor used to harvest wheat.




We started this hike but the wee ones got too hot and tired, so we headed back to the van while the rest continued on.  We played and had fun right at the van!



The mountain was too high in elevation for the little ones, so we stayed and played at the water fall while the rest went up.  It was a lot of fun.



Hanging out with the little ones allows such sweet moments as this one.



Josie wasn't too sure about feeding the deer.

Taking time with my children brings such joy and special times I could not pay enough for.

Shine

Let your light shine before men so they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven.

Do I glorify God in my home?

Do I glorify God with my mouth when my children are naughty?

Does grace and love flow from my lips?

I am happy to say it does.  My love for God overflows out of my heart to my husband and children. 

I can only hope that my children will rise up and call me blessed as Proverbs 31 says.

Are you a blessing?  Will they say that about you?

If you aren't sure, ask God to help you. 

Pray for the fruit of the spirit of Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness, and self control.

Giving it all and giving it all up...

I have been going through a lot lately.  I can't even attempt to write it all down, but basically, I am learning to find joy not in things I thought I wanted to do, but in the little, everyday things that happen to me and around me.

I am giving up some of my own personal desires, that I don't see happening, and giving my all to the desires that are manifesting.

It is not a bad thing, it is reality.  I believe we all have to be able to enjoy the day and life we have and not continually be discontent and push off today's happiness allotment for the day for when we think we have everything we need.

NO.

Enjoy today.

Still Learning Who I Am....and Who I Am Not.

So often, I find myself referring to my childhood to explain the person I am today. But, does our childhood really affect us for that many years, that at age 37 I can still say I act a certain way because that is how I grew up?

For example, in northern Wisconsin, we just didn't drive fast. There was either snow on the ground or deer in the road.  Never was there a safe hour of the day or month of the year to hit the gas.

My husband, on the other hand, grew up in north Florida, where he and his buddies new nothing but fast. The long, flat, straight roads of Escambia County was a daily race track for them and their vehicles.

Now mix slow and fast and you do not get the speed limit. Through out our marriage, I have had to try to get more comfortable with driving faster. That doesn't mean my husband drives wreckless, just faster than what I am used to.

He has had to slow it down some to help me feel safe and be able to enjoy our trips.

I could say, "Well, that is how I grew up!" But that was a long time ago. I have actually been grown up longer than I was little. So, isn't it possible that maybe I can change my thought processes as an adult that would not be based on the circumstances of my childhood?

Yet, I find myself referring to my youth often in the way I think and do things. Aren't we supposed to leave those childish ways behind? Aren't we supposed to think like an adult now, act like an adult now, reason like an adult now?

When you, and I for that matter, find ourselves justifying our behaviour with our past, pause for a moment and decide whether or not that thought is based off of childhood ways or is based off of reality as seen through your eyes, today.

Annoyed With My Husband

I have to be honest with you; I do get annoyed with my husband sometimes.  There are moments that he makes no sense to me. 

Something that seems so obvious to me is totally foreign to him.

At these moments I find myself getting impatient and wanting to lash out in unkind way such as sharp words or looks on my face that show my displeasure.

This is when I have to make a serious choice. 
I can either chose to be forgiving and patient or rude and nasty.

I have learned that I can be assertive with my needs and concerns without being offensive or defensive.

For example,  this morning we were leaving the motel in Story City, Iowa.  After 8 weeks in northern Wisconsin, we were ready to head home to our camper we left in southern Missouri.  It had been a long night on the road yesterday.  There was the huge snow storm in the north and the roads had been icy.  My husband had to really concentrate to keep us safe in such hazardous conditions. 

We finally stopped in Story City, Iowa at a Comfort Inn around midnight.  Some of the kids woke up when we entered the motel room, ready to have fun.  Shae was exhausted from the intense driving conditions and just wanted to shower and go to bed. 

How rational that is, I am not sure.  Six kids in one motel room, after a long drive, isn't exactly the atmosphere for quiet!

Some kids fell right back to sleep, while others were ready to party!

I'm not sure what time it was when we were all finally asleep, but I am thinking it was close to 2am.

We had to get up early to get on the road.  Shae, my husband, had to do some work on his laptop before we headed out.  The kids and I ate the continental breakfast while he worked.  Then, we brought him food to the room so he could finish the work.

I noticed he seemed grouchy and short tempered.  His eyes looked red and his forehead creased.  He had a headache, and a pretty good one from the looks of it.

Now, as we were loading up and trying to get going in the frigid temperatures, Shae kept making mistakes.  He put the diaper bag on top of the dvd player.  He asked Cody to do something that just didn't make sense to any of us and was grumpy about it! He didn't seem to be thinking through leaving the motel room in an efficient manner like he usually does. 

At this point, I was tempted to say something about him needing to settle down.  Can you imagine how that would have gone over?!  That comment would of just made him angrier!  Thank goodness I didn't do that. 

Instead, I chose to be patient and understanding.  I did pull the dvd player out from under the diaper bag.  I reminded him of a better way to take care of the chore that he had wanted Cody to do that didn't make sense.

I chose to remember that his head hurt and he needed an understanding wife more than a nagging woman.

I don't always make the right choice.  Sometimes I am not as understanding as I should be.  I am learning though. 

There is a balance between not letting someone be unnecessarily rude to us and doing as the bible says "Love covers a multitude of sin". 

Being sick does not give us  right to be rude or unloving to those we love the most.  Yet, I believe that we need to be understanding and loving when someone we love and care about is hurting or in a weak state.

Shae is driving right now.  His head feels a little better.  His eyes are still red and puffy but he says the medicine helped.  I am trying to keep the kids from yelling in the back seat.  They are not yelling angry, just having lots of fun.  I am trying to teach them to love their father and respect him.  They can show their love and respect by caring that he has a headache.  This attitude is taught to children, it does not always come naturally.

Our response to our husbands are watched closely and mimicked by our children and those around us.  If the kids see us impatient and disrespectful to their father, they will be.  They see if we roll our eyes or walk away frustrated. 

It is the hard path to chose to be loving, although it gets easier and easier the more I chose it.